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Got Caught Shoplifting At Kohl's, What i believe are lulz ensued
ChrisBlumen
post Jul 30 2008, 03:35 AM
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Last Thursday I had to go by city hall to get a permit for a community event I'm kinda host of. After I went to city hall, i drove by Kohls. I had been looking forward to buying some eyeliner for the past couple of weeks, but I didn't want to spend the money and I'm not confident enough to buy eyeliner.

I walked inside and found the cosmetics section. I don't know much about eyeliner, but i opened a box of some sexy shit and a pencil was inside. I deemed this eyeliner, since it was. I took the box and walked to the boys' novelty t-shirt section. After placing the box on a shirt out of site of the cameras, I took the eyeliner out. It was a pretty non-suspicious act. Basically, I looked like I was fiddling around with a shirt.

The pencil was small enough to fit in my hand, so I left the box on the shirt and started walking out with the pencil in hand. About half-way to the door, i put the pencil in my side work pocket.

I made it outside and breathed a sigh of relief. A man walked up behind me rather fast and said "Excuse me".

"Oh sorry," I replied, believing he must have thought I was in his way. I wasn't going to be an asshole about being in some guy's way.

Him: No, I want you to come inside with me so we can talk about the cosmetics you just stole.

Me: I didn't steal any cosmetics.

Him: Yes you did. Come inside with me.

Me: Okay, sure.

So he walks me back inside and we immediately make a right turn and walk about 100 feet.

Him: Go inside that door.

I get to a door that is locked; it's the holding room. I tried to open the door but it was, like I said, locked.

Me: It's locked. Open it.

Him: Hold on.

Me: Are you sure you don't want to come to my car with me to get my wallet (my wallet was actually on me)

Him: No, just go in here.

Me: Okay.

So this man is fumbling with his keys to open the door. He finally gets the right key and sticks it in. I knew this was my chance-- I bolted. Ran right out the front door, this man chasing me, yelling at me to stop. He even chased me past a couple restaurants next door to the Kohls. He finally gave up, learning that running and shouting is an easy way to lose your breath.

I ran into a card shop where two hot chicks were.

Anyways, that's pretty much it. Share your favorite shoplifting experiences?


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rytak
post Jul 30 2008, 04:04 AM
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loleyeliner


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QUOTE (Dialed Penguin @ Jul 5 2009, 06:15 PM) *
I just got wasted at the bar, convinced a bunch of people to buy me drinks, then passed out in the back of my car.
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p3tari
post Jul 30 2008, 04:11 AM
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a long time ago my sister had these two friends that were sisters. they were very unstable people. they got caught shoplifting at kohl's when my sis was with them. thank god my sister didn't get involved in the stealing because they were caught and the police came and filed a report. the two girls were able to go home right away but the crazy bitches started like breaking shit because they were getting punished by their dad for stealing. then the crazy ass girls start cutting themselves and they go out and sit on top of their roof to yell at the top of their lungs. it was straight to the mental hospital for them. i'm glad they're not around anymore.
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benjula2006
post Jul 30 2008, 04:40 AM
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you're an idiot.


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bamfer23
post Jul 30 2008, 05:02 AM
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way to go, dr. frank 'n' furter


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iammatt
post Jul 30 2008, 05:10 AM
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This one time some fat fuck at charllies charged me 200 dollatroes for a soda because I fulled a water cup up with coke. fucking asshole let some old man pay for his water cup coffea though.

Fuck the cooperationssss
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ChrisBlumen
post Jul 30 2008, 05:12 AM
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QUOTE (bamfer23 @ Jul 30 2008, 03:02 AM) *
way to go, dr. frank 'n' furter


I AM a big fan of Rocky Horror.


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MeeSTa3k
post Jul 30 2008, 06:26 AM
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Of all things to steal... pssh, kids these days.


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QUOTE (MeeSTa3k @ Aug 30 2009, 03:19 AM) *
Oh, and for a good low-budget gorefest, you can't go wrong with An Inconvenient Truth.

this post has changed my stance on matt wixson. seriously, i will now defend you to the death. even your music. you are now my best friend. put this in your signature so i remember.

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RH
post Jul 30 2008, 06:44 AM
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QUOTE (MeeSTa3k @ Jul 30 2008, 07:26 AM) *
Of all things to steal... pssh, kids these days.
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sellout
post Jul 30 2008, 07:58 AM
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Banned


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i almost stole a thermometer once. my mom had sent me to the dollar general to pick up one but didnt actually give me any cash. i had like 5 bucks at the time and really didnt want to splurge on a 2 dollar thermometer. i ended up pacing down the aisles looking suspicious as hell. then i gave up and bought the darn thing. i hate my life.

This post has been edited by selloutwithme: Jul 30 2008, 07:59 AM
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PCN
post Jul 30 2008, 08:03 AM
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Come one man, we all know that if you're going to steal eyeliner... hell anything for that matter, do it from Hot Topic. They have less security in there than a basement show in the middle of alaska.


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pcn for the win
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Voox
post Jul 30 2008, 08:07 AM
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The Real Reason Hitler Tried to Kill Jews.


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QUOTE (MeeSTa3k @ Jul 30 2008, 07:26 AM) *
Of all things to steal... pssh, kids these days.


lol, that's what I was thinking. Eyeliner? Come on!


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donttouchmethere
post Jul 30 2008, 08:31 AM
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I stole an $0.85 tire pressure gauge at Bass Pro Shops about a year ago.

Basically I put it in my pocket without thinking (I can be a subconscious pocket-stuffer) and I forgot to pay for it when I went to the counter. I got home and saw that I had the tire pressure gauge and was like, "oh, sweet."
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Voox
post Jul 30 2008, 09:03 AM
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The Real Reason Hitler Tried to Kill Jews.


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The worst I've ever done was stolen developed pictures from a super market. My mom asked me to go pick them up and for whatever reason, I thought you paid before you got them developed. So I picked 'em up and just walked out of the store. I kinda felt guilty. sad.gif

Oh yeah... and I guess, technically I've stolen millions of dollars of pirated videos and music, etc. lawl. Music piracy isn't real tho.


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Mephisto
post Jul 30 2008, 09:17 AM
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I was at some convinience store in a rest stop and was buying a Gatorade. So I took the Gatorade out of the refridgerator and there was a long line so i went to go throw out the garbage in my hand first. This took me all the way out of the rest stop with the Gatorade in my hand. I could have kept going but I felt bad and took it back and payed for it. Then they ripped me off because it was 3 bucks for a fricking Gatorade. So I stole another one.


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Seņor
post Jul 30 2008, 10:39 AM
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my friend and i were very big shoplifters, i think in one month we took thousands of dollars worth of stuff from all over the city,

eventually, we got caught, i got caught with a stupid pocket knife from target (i was taking said knife to go to best buy and take an md player)

i got two months probation, $200 some worth of tickets, banned for life, and other stupid shit, my friend got just a smaller ticket and no probation, since his dad had hook ups, (he had taken some dvd's and i forgot what else)

long story short, i've only done it a couple of times after that.

used to take boxes of yu gi oh cards though,

EDIT: hey voox, same thing happened to me, but i went to pay for it and they said, oh the cash register here is broken, here take them to the other one near the exit, so i just grabbed them and walked out, i don't remember if it was on purpose or not, but i was like, sweet.

This post has been edited by Yoshi Mexico: Jul 30 2008, 10:40 AM


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QUOTE (Voox @ Jun 17 2008, 09:22 AM) [snapback]151239[/snapback]
Hey maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, music is an abstract concept that can't be categorized or confined. It's all in the soul, ya dig?
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sonofaresiii
post Jul 30 2008, 10:51 AM
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screenplay!


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For some reason I've always thought it was really low class to shop lift. I dunno, I steal plenty of music online, but to actually take a product from someone seems... wrong.
Anyway, I used to work at sam goody and about once every three months or so someone would get caught stealing. and it was pretty freaking hard to get caught stealing since the sensor only worked about 1/4 of the time and pretty much any cd you could just pop the case off of anyway. But alas, every now and then the sensor would flare up, and when we asked the person to come back so we could check the merchandise they bolted. So my manager woudl just take off after the person. And every time it was hilarious. But none more hilarious than the time it was a group of about six eight-year-old black kids. I'm not even kidding, I was laughing my ass off because the kids started crying and telling each other "oh man you done it now! Man you goin ta jail! You done it now!"
Anyway, this might be true for most places, so keep it in mind if you get caught stealing-- the manager can't actually hurt you, so if you just refuse to come back to the holding cell with him, he can't really do anything to you. He might act like he can, like chase after you and try to trap you in a place, etc., but he can't. Furthermore, I don't think they can press charges if you give the merchandise back.
The only way they can actually touch you is if they have mall security grab you, OR if they've hired a loss prevention employee who has to get some kind of license or something



but that could just be indiana state law, so it's really a moot point. i guess if you steal something, run your ass off, and if you get tackled, sucks to be you.


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QUOTE (The Virgin Mary @ Aug 29 2010, 10:43 PM) [snapback]367127[/snapback]
Also, while European women aren't usually fat, most smoke, which is a huge turnoff for me personally. But really, what the fuck...it's just a one night stand anyways, so who cares at that point.


FORE SCIENCE !!
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Seņor
post Jul 30 2008, 11:10 AM
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i could never steal from any person, though one dude in middle school just caught me on the wrong day, they had jacked my gameboy color and given me shit all day, and this one dude just tried to pick on me, so i fucking tackled him, opened his backpack, and took HIS gameboy color and stuffed it in my pocket before he saw, then i just walked away and told him to leave me alone,

but the point i was trying to make was, i wouldn't steal from people, but i find nothing wrong from stealing from corporations, fuck it.


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QUOTE (Voox @ Jun 17 2008, 09:22 AM) [snapback]151239[/snapback]
Hey maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, music is an abstract concept that can't be categorized or confined. It's all in the soul, ya dig?
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SFplaysguitar
post Jul 30 2008, 11:21 AM
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the only thing ive ever stolen were a bunch of packs of cigarettes and swisher sweets from the place i used to work.

This post has been edited by SFplaysguitar: Jul 30 2008, 11:27 AM


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Injun
post Jul 30 2008, 11:24 AM
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boner mcgee


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i used to steal about 20 cents of chocolate covered raisins when i was 6 from a local grocery store
i got caught and i had to pay like a dollar, and from that they on, i never stole material goods again
i still pirate software like some sort of ass


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