Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: I've completely lost my mind.
Streetlight Manifesto Unofficial Forum > RISC > Streetlight Manifesto
RSFable
I've been out of school for 5 months now and it seems like an eternity.

I'm at a point where I'm working full time/paying rent/starting to pay off loans/etc.

What I really want to do is to maybe some day go back to school if and when I ever figure out what I really want to do as a "Career"

I decided 3 years ago that I would be a musician for the rest of my life and I still have that aspiration but then as I see a lot of bands that I idolize and love struggling to make it in the business...

I've been working 40-50 hours a week at Sam Ash music store making decent $ but with the impending Christmas season and killer increase of customers I feel like I'm going to lose my mind and forget where my goals are set and my mind set on my job and not on my dreams...

My own mind is tackling itself over and over and I keep thinking too much and my creative process feels inhibited.

I can't sleep anymore. I don't want the day to end but obviously you can't stop it. Falling forward into the future and the endless void is boggling to no end...

I also think back to elementary school and all of the times where I was told about my BRIGHT FUTURE and what I could be. Some of my professors and mates would tell me of my unlimited potential and when I said I was taking a break the same people disowned me and won't even speak a word to me now.

I need some kind of advice or something to get me through the transition of being a responsible adult.

RIP my "Bright" future 1994-2007
Seņor
i feel the same bro, *hands a beer*
RSFable
QUOTE (Yoshi Mexico @ Nov 19 2007, 01:16 AM) *
i feel the same bro, *hands a beer*


*drinks to death*
melisSKA
Awe Robby!

I know people tell you all the time, "Do what you love."

But honestly, its necessary, what you love and makes you happy is your bright future.
The Virgin Mary
Same thing happened with my brother. He worked at a UPS store during summers/etc. during his college years, and continued to do so right after school for about a year (I think it was a year...?). He knew that he really wanted to live in North Carolina, so he transfered to a UPS store down there, and found a "real job" a few months ago.

He seems pretty happy for the time being, since he gets enough money in to pay for stuff. He's definately not going to stay doing what he does now forever...and I'm not even sure if he really has a final goal in mind.

I'd suggest just keeping the money flowing for a little while, so you that way when you know what you want to do (perhaps start a band), you'll have good money to invest in it, and make it worthwhile.
Seņor
QUOTE (RSFable @ Nov 19 2007, 12:18 AM) *
*drinks to death*

ah, here's to life, *drinks*
Noob
"My own mind is tackling itself over and over and I keep thinking too much and my creative process feels inhibited."

^ No more thinking. Just create. Even if you feel like what you create is crap (it's a problem I have, maybe you feel the same sometimes?), it's your own personal crap. Too much thinking is bad for the creative process. let if flow, and feel it. listen to some Albert Ayler or some Coltrane, or read some Bukowski. They knew their stuff, but they never overthunk anything, they just created.

hypothetical situation: what if you had to solo after Coltrane? you really can't compare, but you'd still have to solo, and you're not gonna go and try to do Coltrane in front of Coltrane, you gotta do you.

set goals. like in order to keep sane, dedicate like an hour to makin music, and just go crazy and record whatever you can in that time span and see how much progress you've made. just don't think too much.
sonofaresiii
QUOTE (RSFable @ Nov 19 2007, 01:09 AM) *
I've been out of school for 5 months now and it seems like an eternity.
I feel like I'm going to lose my mind and forget where my goals are set and my mind set on my job and not on my dreams...



don't, you retard.
Toomine
... so there is no simple way about this then.

Recommended Reading : The Tao of Pooh, The Metamorphosis, Evasion
Recommended Music : High School Low - Say Anything, Allstar - Smash Mouth
Recommended Media : Fight Club, The Seventh Seal, Who Wants to be an American.

i don't really wanna go off on a lengthy diatribe and give you trite niceties in "different packaging", because i'm pretty sure you wouldn't listen anyways.

also, http://xkcd.com/137/
kylskafesto
The best way to do what you love is to get rich.
Drax
QUOTE (kylskafesto @ Nov 19 2007, 11:21 AM) *
The best way to do what you love is to get rich.


This isn't necessarily true.

If you make a ton of money doing what you love, that's great, but it doesn't always happen like that.


I'd rather be on the poor side and happy than rich and miserable. Plus, I get to bitch about the rich people.
Skavoovee
QUOTE (Drax @ Nov 19 2007, 11:27 AM) *
This isn't necessarily true.

If you make a ton of money doing what you love, that's great, but it doesn't always happen like that.


I'd rather be on the poor side and happy than rich and miserable. Plus, I get to bitch about the rich people.

Definitely. Just do what you want. If you're poor, then you just won't have as much stuff as other people. If you happen to strike it rich, then GREAT!
get back the ska
I think you were looking for your livejournal.

But seriously, I might be a little too young to offer any valid advice other than this: The worst thing you can do is let doubt stop your momentum. Even if yer not sure of what you want to do or how you want to do it you have to keep doing something, even if it's just a means of gaining some bread to do what you WANT to.

kna'm sayin'?
kylskafesto
While the rich comment was kind of in jest, I really meant that if ya hit gobs of money, then you wouldn't have to work, and you could do whatever you want.
Murdock1017
or, ya know, suicide.
melisSKA
QUOTE (Murdock1017 @ Nov 19 2007, 01:10 PM) *
or, ya know, suicide.


I'm all alone I'm feeling bad I'm by my self all I ever had. I hate my life I'm such a mess I want to die I'm so depressed.
Voox
QUOTE (RSFable @ Nov 19 2007, 01:09 AM) *
I've been out of school for 5 months now and it seems like an eternity.

I'm at a point where I'm working full time/paying rent/starting to pay off loans/etc.

What I really want to do is to maybe some day go back to school if and when I ever figure out what I really want to do as a "Career"

I decided 3 years ago that I would be a musician for the rest of my life and I still have that aspiration but then as I see a lot of bands that I idolize and love struggling to make it in the business...

I've been working 40-50 hours a week at Sam Ash music store making decent $ but with the impending Christmas season and killer increase of customers I feel like I'm going to lose my mind and forget where my goals are set and my mind set on my job and not on my dreams...

My own mind is tackling itself over and over and I keep thinking too much and my creative process feels inhibited.

I can't sleep anymore. I don't want the day to end but obviously you can't stop it. Falling forward into the future and the endless void is boggling to no end...

I also think back to elementary school and all of the times where I was told about my BRIGHT FUTURE and what I could be. Some of my professors and mates would tell me of my unlimited potential and when I said I was taking a break the same people disowned me and won't even speak a word to me now.

I need some kind of advice or something to get me through the transition of being a responsible adult.

RIP my "Bright" future 1994-2007



Hey Robby,

I feel like this board isn't the best place for advice because a lot of the people are younger than you. It's so much easier said than done, "do what makes you happy." This isn't always the case. What makes you happy may not be feasible and it may not pay the bills. I've been having a lot of these "life/career" talks lately because I just had my own mental break down a few weeks ago.

Your situation is VERY similar to my boyfriends. As far as his life goals, etc etc-- music is for him. He works at Daddy's Junkie Music and while he was assistant manager, he worked A LOT of hours. (You said you make good money, but for him, that wasn't the case.-- I might add, for those hours, I consider anything under $40K to not be worth it; $35K min.) Anyway, you said you went to school for music. For what specifically? Performance? Business? Production? Also-- where did you go? What specifically do you want to do? Play in a rock n' roll band (so to speak, ska, etc.) Do music for movies/studio recording for other people? Orchestra? I'm just trying to get a better idea of where you want to be going with your life.

Here's the one thing you have to realize: You're young. You and I are the same way-- we what results now. It's hard to remember that you gotta pay a lotta dues before you can be where you wanna be in life. There's still a lotta time left to "make it" and whatnot. I know it's hard to focus on your goals while you're tired from work and everything, but are you in a band? (Do you want to be?) Do you have regularly scheduled practices? Are they as committed to being musicians as you are? (This last one is pretty important.)

I dunno, answer some of these questions first and hopefully we can figure out what exactly your goals are and how you will get there in a way that doesn't kill you.
BrainOnSka
Man, I've been pretty out of it lately too. A few weeks ago, I totally realized that I do not have the motivation to handle 4+ years of my current college. Then a week ago I had a really intense psychedelic trip that made me realize this even more so and how I have no fucking clue what I want to do with my life. It really made me feel pretty depressed for a few days.

I feel like I'd really enjoy a career in music, but I also have a feeling that going to school for that may just kill my interest as well as the amount of practice I would have to put in even without college. That is sort of what happened with my current major; I wanted something art oriented, so I chose architecture. Now I can't stand doing any of my work. I'm planning on staying the rest of the year, but I'm not too sure of what I'm going to be doing after that.
barimaphone
Maybe it'd be for the best to work the hellish x-mas retail season and make a shit ton of money so you can take a break from work for a bit and do what you want to. An extended leave-of-absence if you will.
The Virgin Mary
QUOTE (Voox @ Nov 19 2007, 03:47 PM) *
You and I are the same way

EWWWWW, VOOX HAS A PENIS!!!!!111!

QUOTE (Voox @ Nov 19 2007, 03:47 PM) *
I feel like this board isn't the best place for advice because a lot of the people are younger than you.

Wait, what?

Back on topic:
I agree with Voox. Money, for the time being, is more important. If you start off taking risks, you may be in the hole for a while. For all intensive purposes (i'm assuming) you're in some sort of debt. It's best to suck it up for a little while to get yourself on even ground. From there, you can start finding things that you both enjoy doing, and make money while doing it.
Logan
This is way too fucking deep and depressing. I'm going to put this off for the next few years.
Klonny
After high school my plans are to rush blindly into the real world.
Tony
QUOTE (The Virgin Mary @ Nov 19 2007, 04:51 PM) *
EWWWWW, VOOX HAS A PENIS!!!!!111!


Wait, what?

Back on topic:
I agree with Voox. Money, for the time being, is more important. If you start off taking risks, you may be in the hole for a while. For all intensive purposes (i'm assuming) you're in some sort of debt. It's best to suck it up for a little while to get yourself on even ground. From there, you can start finding things that you both enjoy doing, and make money while doing it.


Not punx.

Keep fighting the man robby.
carr5227
We have a netherforum for a reason...

Wait, no we don't.

Fight the good fight, Robby. Just do what makes you happy. Happy so that you can look back on everything and not feel like shit. School isn't the end-all, be-all. You're a good guy. You'll pull it off.
Noob
QUOTE (barimaphone @ Nov 19 2007, 04:46 PM) *
Maybe it'd be for the best to work the hellish x-mas retail season and make a shit ton of money so you can take a break from work for a bit and do what you want to. An extended leave-of-absence if you will.


when the world gets half away from you, you can go half the world away. all you need is two weeks.

and carr is a wise kid
Toomine
i agree... perhaps this is not the best place for advice.
HighonFez
QUOTE (RSFable @ Nov 19 2007, 12:09 AM) *
I can't sleep anymore. I don't want the day to end but obviously you can't stop it. Falling forward into the future and the endless void is boggling to no end...

That's seriously fucking brilliant. Can I steal it? I've been trying to put that feeling into words for months.

If it helps at all, I'm 3 and a half years into college, changed a major from biochemistry(seriously, what was i thinking?) to business, am some 9K at least in debt and still have a junior standing credit-wise. So, you could be worse off.
hammond egger
i get where you're at robby. i'm a year out of school trying to work in photography. the bills were stacking up, so I got a job shooting school portraits and shit and i hate it a lot. i don't want to go to sleep a lot of days, because that means that I'll have to wake up the next day and go to work. So I put in my notice yesterday. fuck those assholes. i'm just trying to make it through the rest of the busy season, working as many hours as I can so that I'll have money to support myself for a few months. in the mean time, I'm trying to drum up more freelance work in advertising photography, where I want to be.

so i don't know if that's helpful or anything. but you did a pretty good job of describing how I've been feeling too.

another thing I did that ended up really helping me take the edge off was saving up some money and then telling work I was taking a month off. I spent all of july travelling. cheap shit. it cost me my entire savings, but that was only $1000. i spent some time camping with friends, flew to seattle, slept on the beach for a few days. it really helped me chill out, and I felt like I could face working my shitty job again.

good luck with life man. this growing up shit fucking blows.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
IPB NULL EN